On Chritsmas eve or maybe Christmas day I ended up catching various parts of the movie "Scrooged" on tv. It was replayed throughout the day. I can't remember why now, but a blog idea about what would my ghosts of Christmas past, present, and future be started haunting my holiday ruminations. The theme of that magical belief in the fantasy of Santa Claus was a big part of Christmas entertainment and of being a child expecting Christmas. I figured my Christmas past ghost would be the Christmas when my parents had this huge fort built in the backyard on Chrismas Eve. I was on the edge of disbelief but could not figure out how my father made that happen, so the magic of Santa was safe in my mind for another year. The ghost of Christmas present has evolved into airports and being alone. I'm not uncomfortable or sad about this anymore. My wife and I have separate families from previous marriages. We seem to make a new "tradition" each year. My kids and I get together somewhere between Christmas and New Year and that has become our tradition. My ghost of Christmas future and how I will be remembered when I am gone is the scary one. Hopefully there is the joy of sharing that magical belief in Santa with grandchildren one day. The grave scene is less clear. My imagined epitaph is something like: 'A thoughtful, reflective educator who tried to feel the world.' I struggle a bit over the word feel. At first I put in the word understand. When I was younger I was more about experiencing the different countries and cultures where I lived than studying them, so feel seemed more appropriate that understand.
This weekend I was watching my Christmas present of Season 8 of "24" and as President Taylor spiralled into the void of doing the wrong thing for what she considered the right reason, I pondered on my career and its contribution. Fortunately as a teacher you hardly ever have to make more of a life or death decision than if a student is going to be retained or not - and I haven't had to make many of those. As a school director, I had to fire a few people. The legacy of my career I'm figuring is in the immeasureable change in consciousness and thought of the kids, teachers, and parents I have taught, supervised, and advised. I believe those efforts were always done for the right reason (enhancing the quality of life and chances for success of a child) in close to the right way (thoughtful, caring, and challenging). I am becoming contentedly resigned to the understanding that my impact will have been small, but ultimately positive.
Wow, this sounds like I'm bringing this blog, career, & life to an end now. I just counted 17 weeks of school to go and hopefully there are 20 or more years of quality life after that.
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